Magic Mushrooms
by Crimson Cupcake
Summary: In which Daemon Spade finds Magic Mushrooms. :birthday present to Sazerac:


**A/N: Happy birthday to Sazerac!** Um, yeah, this is her (very dodgy) birthday present. It's an inside joke for us because Saz keeps going on about D-Spade and magic mushrooms. I do know what magic mushrooms are xD Don't they suit D-Spade so well? D-Spade's the type of person who would like that stuff, no?

_Disclaimer: Once upon a time, I almost owned Reborn. T.T_

I tried to make it crack _and_ in character at the same time in the first half. Then I gave up and just turned it into crack.

* * *

The forest was silent. The few birds that lived there took off from the branches when the squad of men came through. They spread out in an obviously practiced formation, each carrying a gun and advancing until there were roughly ten metres between them. Like that, they marched through the forest, occasionally turning suddenly to make sure they weren't being followed.

The man in the middle had bangs and dark blue hair which somehow came together in a jagged, gravity-defying _pineapple_, for lack of better word. Around his neck was his Devil Lens, and his blue eyes glinted a little with amusement. The forest rang with silence; there was no one here apart from his men. No enemies, no stray Mafioso, no innocent civilians, nothing.

"We're going back!" Daemon Spade announced, beckoning his men back towards the castle that stood invisible behind the trees. "There's no one here. Primo won't be mad if I turn back a little early."

"B-But—Daemon-sama!" protested one of his men. "Primo-sama gave strict orders to patrol all the way to the borders—"

"Hmm...Who's the Guardian here, Victorio? Kufufu, follow my orders and we're heading ba—"

Daemon stopped himself. There was something there, in that clearing. For a moment, he had seen a bright flash of colour that was immediately hidden by the trees. It had caught his eye in the instant he saw it, and he knew now that he could not back away. "I change my mind," he smiled, making the rest of his men shiver. "Go that way."

Without pointing, or giving any sense of where he was going to go, Daemon strode towards the clearing. Within the minute he had arrived and, looking down at the ground, saw a variety of different coloured mushrooms glinting in the half-light. They seemed to whisper and laugh at him, the way they stood there majestically as if they were untouched by all that surrounded them. There was a certain backlight that seemed to bath them in glory, and as he stood there looking at them, everything else faded from view.

It was then that Daemon Spade understood.

These weren't just mushrooms. They were Magic Mushrooms.

And they were his.

"Kufufu...KUHAHAHAHA!"

Within seconds the clearing was devoid of said Magic Mushrooms. Daemon picked them all up with startling speed, putting them all into a bag he had created out of illusions. Looking extremely satisfied, the Mist Guardian turned back to his men. "_Now_, my friends, we go back."

The poor Mafioso were too scared to argue.

-xox-

Binoculars in hand, Daemon Spade stood on the balcony of the 7th floor of the Vongola mansion. Near his feet was a suspicious black bag which, should anyone open, contained a multitude of colourful spotted mushrooms. "Where...where...where..." he muttered to himself as he kept adjusting his binoculars. And what was Daemon looking for, exactly?

A hiding place for his beautiful Magic Mushrooms.

He was absolutely certain that anyone who even glimpsed at these mushrooms would immediately fall in love with them and attempt to steal them for himself. That was why he had to find a hiding place...somewhere safe...somewhere nobody would think of going or had the guts to go...somewhere...

A tuft of blond hair. A brilliant orange flame.

Daemon Spade smirked. He had found the perfect spot.

-xox-

"Eh? Why me?" asked Asari Ugetsu, residential musician, Rain Guardian and pacifist.

Daemon sighed. "Look, I just need to do something really quickly with his hair. So just distract him for a moment while I slip it in, okay?"

Ugetsu eyed him suspiciously. "Daemon, if you're up to one of your tricks again, stop it. Alaude had to wash his hair fifteen times—"

"No, no, it's none of that," chuckled the illusionist. "It's a...erm...a project I'm working on. A scientific project. I'm sure a rainbow will come one day and finish it, but right now that's not important. For now, just make the Primo walk under your balcony and stay there for a few seconds, got it?"

Now, if there was one thing any of the Guardians learnt, it was the Daemon Spade was untrustworthy. He never did any work if he could help it and terrorized the new Mafioso. He made treaties that never lasted for more than a few minutes and used something extremely strange called 'shampoo'. Now, nobody had ever heard of a sham and poo together, but it apparently worked wonders on his hair.

But poor Asari Ugetsu didn't really have a choice this time. "Alright, alright, I'll do it. When?" he asked, watching the figure of Giotto striding towards them, flame confidently lit on his head as always.

Daemon smirked. "Now would be a good time." He rushed upstairs with the mysterious black bag, leaving Ugetsu to sigh.

Flying up the stairs, Daemon quickly positioned himself on the balcony, opening his precious bag of mushrooms, as Giotto stopped right underneath him and began a curious conversation with Ugetsu that strangely talked about him.

"Primo! Have you seen Daemon?" asked the Rain Guardian with a strained smile on his face. It was obvious he was thinking of what tricks Daemon would play should he not do this part properly.

Giotto, in all his hyper-intuition glory, didn't notice. "Daemon? No, not since yesterday. Why, Ugetsu?"

"He's been acting a little strange...he's been trying to hide a black bag all day."

Daemon facepalmed. Nonetheless, he quickly lowered his black bag and slowly tipped its contents onto Giotto's hair. Then, very carefully, he styled Giotto's hair again so that the mushrooms were completely out of sight.

"Don't worry about it," Giotto was telling Ugetsu. "That's very customary about Daemon. It's probably something he found in the forest."

Ugetsu tried to ignore the black bag that dangled into view inches above Giotto's head. If the Primo looked up now...all would be lost. Wait, why did he even care about Daemon's dastardly scheme again? "Oh, really?" he said nervously, as Daemon gave him an upside-down thumbs up. "That's alright, then. Thanks, Primo."

"No problem."

Asari Ugetsu couldn't believe Daemon Spade's plan actually worked.

-xox-

Coincidentally, Giotto's next mission was in Japan, working with none other than his Mist Guardian. By then he had privately agreed that Ugetsu was right – Daemon _was_ acting weird. Although the black bag Ugetsu was talking about wasn't in sight. And how exactly was Daemon acting weird?

"Primo, there's nothing wrong with your hair, right?"

"No, Daemon, why do you ask?"

"It's nothing, just that...it looks a bit funny."

"Does it?"

"Kufufu, sort of. But...hm...no, it's fine."

"That's good."

"..."

"..."

"...Primo, are you sure your hair's alright?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Don't worry."

"Daemon?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you keep asking about my hair?"

Daemon Spade kept silent after that. He didn't have much of an opportunity to talk anyway. Suddenly, the hoard of enemies closed in from all sides. They were ridiculously weak, but there were a huge number of them. He tried to think of creative ways to kill them. A couple drowned, but it wasn't entertaining enough. Some died from poisoning. Not interesting. More than half died from lack of air. That wasn't that fun to watch, either. He made one or two chase their illusionary tails before dying. Nup. Not fun.

On the other hand, Giotto seemed to be having a great time. He was, quite literally, running around and freezing people, yelling "FEAR MY ZERO POINT BREAKTHROUGH!" at the top of his voice. He flipped to wipe out the last one of the enemies, and found something strange falling out of his hair.

It was a mushroom.

A spotted mushroom.

A bright spotted mushroom with mushroom patterns on the mushroom.

"...**DAEMON**!"

His Mist Guardian was over in a flash, hurriedly pocketing the mushroom. "You saw nothing, Primo, you saw nothing."

"I saw something _so_," snapped Giotto, flushing with uncharacteristic anger. "What was that—that—that horrendous _thing _doing in my _hair_? My beautiful hair! Ruined!"

"Horrendous!" gasped Daemon, "It is not! That _thing_, Primo, was my beautiful Magic Mushroom that you certainly cannot have." With that, he pulled the stunning mushroom out of his pocket and let it sit there bathing in the glorious light.

Giotto stared, unimpressed, at the mushroom. "So this is what you were hiding, Daemon?"

"Hiding?" whistled Daemon suspiciously. "I wasn't hiding anything. No, really, Primo," he added at Giotto's sceptical expression.

The Vongola Primo decided to change the subject. "_Why_ were you hiding that in my hair?"

"Because none of the other Guardians would ever think of looking in there, so my mushrooms would be safe until—"

"Wait!" commanded the Primo. "What do you mean...mushroom_s_? There's more than one?"

_Crap..._ Daemon watched helplessly as Giotto reached into his hair and extracted the whole collection of his Magic Mushrooms. The expression on his Boss' face was murderous. "P-Primo, don't be mad, I can expla—"

"You messed up my hair!"

"No—I—"

"Zero point breakthrough!"

Daemon turned and ran.

-xox-

Giotto confiscated the Magic Mushrooms.

No matter how much Daemon begged and sobbed and cried and complained and yelled and threw tantrums and made illusions and cursed G. with his Devil Lens, Giotto was adamant in his decision. The other Guardians, save Ugetsu, were also unsympathetic. G. was especially unhappy at being cursed a couple thousand times and spent the rest of the month complaining to Giotto.

Lampo kept sniggering whenever the word mushroom was mentioned and shooting Daemon furtive looks. If it weren't for Knuckle, Daemon would have strangled the stuck-up brat five times over. Still, despite the priest's best attempts, it didn't stop the vicious death glares, pranks and occasional illusions that plagued Lampo's dreams.

Ugetsu went out of the way to stay neutral. He drank tea. He played music. When G. complained too much to Giotto, he went to visit Japan. When Daemon made Lampo cry, he went to visit Japan. When Alaude decided to bring home a hedgehog, he went to Japan. In fact, he seemed to go to Japan an awful lot.

And Giotto? The Vongola Primo was officially allergic to mushrooms.

-xox-

Many generations later, a certain heterochromatic-eyed, pineapple-haired Mist Guardian for the Vongola Decimo was strolling around in Namimori forest.

"Kufufu...are those mushrooms I see?"

* * *

**A/N:** You knew it was coming xD Once again, happy birthday to Sazerac!

~CC


End file.
